So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
