ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
