She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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