That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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