dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize