Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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