I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
