so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
