the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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