What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
