i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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