Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
