I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
her vagine was all disorganized.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
