Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
where am i from again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dick very happy bro
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
