i jhust puked up my retainher.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
