I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
