you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dignity is for republicans.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
