everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were trust falling into bushes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
