Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
