me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
