I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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