summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
