I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
