Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
