It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
