A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize