you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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