Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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