It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
