So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
