i was born a porn star she said
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
