we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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