One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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