I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i believe in u and ur pee
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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