Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
