The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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