I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize