She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
