is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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