I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
