so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
