32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
