I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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