margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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