So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
