Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize