So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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