Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
