god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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