I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
