I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
