I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Fuck appropriateness.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
