My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
