It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
