i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
