guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
