I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
