So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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