I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
