You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize