haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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