Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
