the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
