I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
