in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he thought i was a dude.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
