so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
