distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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