I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize