it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
