dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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