just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
