I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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